Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A First Day

One thing I love about being a mother is how well I know my girls. I know what is going to upset them, or how certain tones or words either bring comfort or ruffle their feathers. At the end of the day, I feel a sense of accomplishment. But then there are those moments when your brain comes to a screeching halt, and you wonder who's child this is...and when did they become so BIG?

Yesterday was Veronica's first day of preschool. It was a bit surreal. I knew it was coming and I was getting excited for her. We met at the school Monday to finalize her IEP, which is her educational plan of goals to achieve within the next year. After we finished up, we enjoyed our last day before school. I asked her if she was looking forward to school--she was. I occasionally talked about riding the bus (since her school is part of the public schools, they must offer transportation for the kids). The plan was mama would take her to school for the first couple days until she built up enough confidence to ride the bus.

She said she was interested in riding the bus, but I know that she says things like that and it's more of the "idea" of doing something; rather, than actually doing it. So I'm thinking in my head, "I will drop her off and Ben will pick her up." Here's our conversation:

Me: Veronica, so daddy is going to pick you up from school in the green car. And I'm going to drop you off. Then, maybe you can ride the bus tomorrow or the next see how you feel about it (insert: how I'm confident in my knowledge of what my child is thinking).

Veronica: I want to ride the bus! I don't want daddy to get me.

Me (a bit baffled): You DO? You want to ride the bus home? You DON'T want daddy to pick you up? Is that right?

Veronica: Yeah! I want to ride the bus.
~insert: I kept repeating and asking to make sure she knew what she was asking...she did~

Me: Okay, well. I'll take you to school and you can ride the bus home. You want me to take you right?
Veronica: I want to ride the bus to school, too.

Me: Are you sure you want to ride the bus?

Veronica: Yes!

Me: Veronica, if you ride the bus, Mama is NOT going to ride the bus with you. I would take you to the bus, you would get on the bus and I would stay on the sidewalk and wave to you 'goodbye!' Is that what you want?

Veronica: Yes!
~insert: I kept asking her to make sure she knew what she was requesting---she did~

Me: Well, would you like to ride the bus and I will drive the van behind the bus to the school?
Veronica: Yeah!

It was in that moment (and when she arrived home on the bus) that I realized that this little person still has some surprises up her sleeve. She was confident, brave, and exhibited such grace in approaching her first day. Me on the other hand...a complete, dramatic wreck. After I put her on the bus and went back to the van, I cried (Cadence was crying too, but only because she wanted to ride the bus too).

Cadence and I arrived at the school waiting for her bus. When she got there she had managed to empty the contents of her backpack, but all with a smile on her face. She was excited to have her own backpack, snack (of cheese & raisins), a special book & Strawberry Shortcake figurines for the ride and an extra change of clothes. She went into the school and it was time for me to leave. I cried a bit more (and a little bit more after that).

School is for 2 1/2 hours four days a week, which is a long time in my mind. But with the bus ride, well, it's even longer. Yesterday from the time she got on the bus to the time she got home it was a total of four hours. She was the first one to be picked up and the last one to be dropped off. I was standing on the corner in the dark waiting for the bus to turn the corner. I was told she would be dropped off between 4:00-4:30, but it wasn't until 4:45. Ben and I don't like how late it is and we're thinking we will have her ride only two days a week.

She told me her favorite part of the day was snack time and playing ball outside. As for anything else that happened...I have no clue. She told Ben last night that she wanted Cadence to ride the bus with her today and go to school with her. I'm guessing that in a couple days the novelty of going to school might wear off, but she has surprised me in the past. As I sat there crying after seeing her go into the school I thought, "Oh Lord, this is just one of many moments when I'm going to cry about situations in my girls lives." I don't think I ever prayed so fervently than yesterday--I think Jesus is going to be hearing from me a lot more....and Cadence of course said with a sad voice, "I want to go to school!" Good grief!


littlehousemouse said...

I remember how shocked I was when Gracelynne rode the bus for preK... she never did like me dropping her off or picking her up. What an awesome privilege motherhood is, isn't it? Watching these little people become big people... glad Miss Veronica is enjoying her time!

John and Sarah Pell said...

I am NOT looking forward to putting Emma on the school bus for the first time.....why do they grow up so fast?!?! It is good she did so well. Miss you!

Lindsey said...

I got choked up just reading this. You both were brave yesterday.

Amber said...

i'm so proud of my brave girl!!! i can't believe she rode the bus all by herself! and did you really follow the bus in your van?

Michelle said...

Oh I'm so glad to hear it went well Kamille! Was praying for you guys.

just4ann said...

I am so proud of my sweet Veronica. What a brave girl. Mama may not feel so brave as to let V grow up so fast.Hold on to these moments because this is just the beginning. You will do fine Kamille. I cannot wait to come and visit once I move back up to Oregon.

Kamille Corrina said...

Liz--It's comforting to know it's not just me:)

Sarah--I completely agree, on both sentiments:)


Amber--I didn't follow the bus, just drove straight to the school and waited for her.

Michelle--thank you!!!

Mom--She is a brave little soul. By today (Friday) she's a pro with no tears when I dropped her off.