Sunday, October 17, 2010

Perfectionists need not Apply

"The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." -Jill Churchhill
1. No Double Standards

Parenting on good days is full of hope, laughter, & working together. On the bad days, well, they feel like you're standing at the crash site looking for semblance. I said to myself as I entered the bathroom while the girls remained at the table, "Okay Kamille, we will not shout or yell!"

In our home I have a phrase, "Are your words sweet like honey or yucky like dog poop? (very visual & tactile)" When the girls have whining or a disrespectful tone, out comes the phrase. The same goes for yelling, screaming & shouting. Well, what do you do when it's the keeper of the phrase who is choosing "yucky dog poop?"

Apologize, ask for forgiveness & reconcile.

2. Putting in Coins of Affirmation

Last night during dinner, I brought up to Veronica how I noticed how she had been using manners, a sweet voice & choosing to do what is right & good. From the time we dropped her off at Sunday School, she had a sweet disposition till dinner.

I remember reading that for every negative we need 10 positives.

With little ones who cannot really function without you, it seems like I'm more of a maid trying to get food on the table, diaper changed, sweep up the laminate floor, fix a booboo, etc. Meanwhile, there are those nuggets of affirmation slipping by unnoticed. And sometimes a bit too late once it is.

3. And then comes the Meltdown

Once I made note of Veronica's wonderful choices at dinner, it seemed she let her guard down saying, "Finally someone noticed and it's taken a lot of hard work...onto some meltdowns."

Don't we all feel like that at times. I work SO hard to remain patient in the midst of the storm, to use sweet words, to love relentlessly, but to much avail...I'm exhausted from trying so hard. Isn't that why we work out, so we can enjoy a dessert afterward?

~We run with an expectation that we will obtain perfection on the first shot, or even the second and third. Our aim can be simply unreasonable (especially when we factor in little people meandering about). I'm convinced that motherhood is not about being perfect; in fact, it means our failures/shortcomings, haven't taken a shower in two days, eating leftovers for the third day, kids still in pajamas when daddy gets home sort of days WILL happen. However, it's more about getting back on the "proverbial" horse and riding again into the unknown (and perhaps, more failures).

So let's get back into the saddle (whether you're a parent or not) and ride into the mystery of tomorrow together, because I'm certain John Wayne types are pretty miserable without a riding companion. And leave a comment--it will make you feel better, for sure.


Amber said...

Thanks for being such a kick-ass mom to my nieces! :)

Stacy said...

Some days I have more meltdowns than all of my children combined. :)

You're a good mama, Kamille! Your girls are blessed to have you loving them!

Kamille Corrina said...

Amber--you know how to make me smile; as well as, my heart.

Stacy--you & me both...I think my meltdowns exceeded the girls.

just4ann said...

I have found that I still have meltdowns and my children are grown. It may be a mom thing. I have found that I have to have a meltdown at times so that it will get out of my system so then I will be clear and direct in my next challenge.
Kamille, you and Ben are great parents. And I do not look at my precious Veronica as any thing less than perfect. I say this because 1.) She is my granddaughter. 2.) She has a fantastic personality. 3.) She was known to God before she was born. He created her in His image. That is the most important thing. It doesn't matter if she has some things to work on. She is and always will be my precious angel. Oh, and she is a great big sister. I wouldn't expect anything less from her. Her smile is sweet and her eyes expressive. As I said before, when I am feeling down,sad, and alone all I have to do is watch the videos of her and I cheer up and know that the Lord brought her into my life so I can have my sadness wiped away.