Saturday, December 19, 2009

All I Want for Christmas

This morning I peeked through the peep hole of our door to watch Veronica walk hand in hand with her Papa, while the other hand was holding a rather large basket. It's pictures like this where I cannot get enough of being a mama. There aren't enough emotions or words to truly describe that feeling in my gut & heart. It's like when people say (about babies), "Oh they're so cute...I just want to eat 'em."

Now, let's go ahead and get over the cannibalism thought running through your head, or those of you saying, "EEWWWW!" If that statement makes you sick, then I guess this post isn't for you, because that quotation describes the feeling perfectly. It's wanting to devour the whole picture or moment, so you can savor each aspect. It's knowing that this little girl will be 16 before we know it and will be wanting some other young man to be hand in hand with.

And as I reflect upon these images & moments, I'm reminded how in the midst of tantrums, saying "NO" (from both sides) the twentieth time in an hour, the selfishness, the times when I want to retreat--hoping they don't find me...that I want to know my girls. I want to know them better than any person on this planet, in order to help them know themselves & their Papa God. I want to know what puts a smile on their face, how to help calm them, how to divert them, how to encourage them and most of to love them like Christ does.

This is what I want most for Christmas. It takes work and it's definitely not easy and I want to give up at times, but God reminds me when Cadence lays her head on my chest and sighs, "OHhhh!" in that sweet Tayer voice. Or when Veronica walks to the car with her Papa hand in hand eagerly in search of the BEST gift for Mama--that I can regroup & look to the big picture. All this makes me think of people who mention how their marriage doesn't take any work. I can't help but wonder what planet they live on, because work doesn't mean it's negative or their marriage is headed for the dump.

In fact, as I see my marriage with Ben and my mothering with my girls, it's when I work & strive for something better within it that the harvest abounds. I equate work with weeding a garden, it's not always "fun," but it's necessary to keep it healthy & growing. And it doesn't mean that working on my marriage or parenting isn't fun either. It's all about perspective. I want for Christmas a fresh perspective on working at being a mama who knows her girls and a wife who knows her husband and a daughter striving to fully know Papa God's heart for me in the midst of all it.

All of this came from reading the following quote in the book 'Strong-Willed Child or dreamer?'
Innovative people have a passion for what they do. I don't know if this passion is innate or not, but it can snuffed out in a person. Think about it: how much passion will Johnny exhibit if after every time he runs around the house and displays passion, he gets hit on the head and is told to "Sit down"? You're right, not much. This is one of the things that makes being a parent such a challenge. I see characteristics in my kids that in an adult would be fantastic, and yet occasionally they drive me nuts. Sometimes, I have to catch myself and stop and listen to them. If I just say no, they will probably lose the inventiveness and imagination they need to be creative when they grow up.
As I get to know my husband & my children (and other people in my life), it allows me to flame the passions inside of them, rather than stifle it. And primarily as a mama, I see that I need & want to be my child's biggest advocate. So all I want for Christmas is that (well, and maybe a cookbook or two:) ).

1 comment:

Ben and Emily Wells said...

Beautiful post, K. Your emotions are so palpable! Makes me want to squish your girls. This challenging, messy, tiring journey is such a blessing. Merry Christmas my friend.